The Super Bowl Is YouTube For Old People

7 02 2010

You may not be aware of this, but the Super Bowl is on tonight.

Like most Americans, I will be spending the night getting hammered and eating junk food while waiting for the broadcast to return to the game since I don’t want to miss any commercials just because I had to take a piss. I know I could just watch them on the internet afterwards, but it isn’t the same as seeing it live for the first time. I have a DVR because I DON’T want to watch commercials during my favorite TV shows. Besides, they tend to edit out all the good parts of the commercials when they decide to use them for the next 6 months because they spent over 5 million dollars filming less than 60 seconds of  footage.

Invariably, the commercials are going to include someone getting hit in the nuts, and a monkey doing something stupid. Some may even be so risqué as to show a woman with large breasts in a tank top. Super Bowl commercials are basically what YouTube would be like if all the users were  corporate CEOs.

Perfect.

I’m actually impressed with the fact that no one has done a commercial consisting entirely of cat pictures with text placed over them. Yet.

As for the game itself, my money is on the Colts. If they lose, I am going to post a picture of my balls on here. Yes, that is a lose/lose situation for you, but you’re going to have to accept the fact that sometimes life isn’t fair and that my balls are magnificent.


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Sling Rocks

3 02 2010


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Anybody Can Make Movies

1 02 2010

This is hilarious.

Tha acting is subtle. The dialogue is sublime.

Everything about this scene is just so well done. You can really feel yourself getting attached to these characters and you yearn to learn more about the riveting storyline.

Will that burn victim’s lips ever heal? Will Bomber Jacket Dude ever get to touch what he sees? Will Black Detective ever be cured of his random facial twitches? What sort of evil unfolds after Steve the Security Guard walks away from the room he was explicitly told to watch?

more about “The Greatest Movie Scene Ever Video“, posted with vodpod

I wish I was in the movie industry in the early ’90s.


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The News Spot Formula

29 01 2010

I LOVED this.


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Some People Died

28 01 2010

J.D. Salinger died. He was this guy that wrote a book about some little asshole kid that gets expelled from school and then spends time not having sex with prostitutes and getting drunk or something. It’s supposed to be really good. I wouldn’t know, I’ve never read it. Mostly because I like how pissed off people get at me when they find out I’ve not read it.

But I think admitting to have never read The Catcher in the Rye is better than being a big phony and reading it and then pretending that makes me intelligent or cultured. I always thought the book was about a baseball player and a baker who have a torrid homosexual affair.

This is my mental image of "The Catcher in the Rye".

Salinger was also famous for being batshit insane and drinking his own piss. So he seemed like a cool dude.

But more importantly, Zelda Rubinstein died. And she is someone who has had far more of an impact on my life. Zelda is best known as “that weird little dwarf lady with the funny voice and magic powers” in Poltergeist. She was also in Sixteen Candles, although few people seem to remember her role and I can’t find any videos online to show you that she was in it.  Oh well. But I did manage to pull myself together enough to make this picture in her memory:

This picture makes nerds super pissed.


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LOL Brett Favre

25 01 2010

LMFAO

I’d just like to thank Adrian Peterson for his inability to h0ld onto a football when it really matters. I’d like to thank Brad Childress for his coaching “ability” and allowing his team to get a stupid penalty late in the game that took his team out of field goal range.

But most of all I’d like to thank Brett Favre for providing me with the best dish of delicious Schadenfreude I’ve had all football season. Way to end your team’s season with a stupid fucking interception at the worst possible time. Again.

It takes a special man to make his own wife facepalm.

 

I liked the part when he said "Fuck it, I'm gonna throw across my body into coverage....whoops."


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5-Second Films | Don’t Thinko de Mayo

23 01 2010

The idea behind 5 Second Films is to create a complete story in just 5 seconds of footage (along with an additional 2 seconds of title screen and 1 second of credits). It is really great to see how people work within these restrictions to create things of great humor and, occasionally, real beauty. Many of the videos on the site are great. Even when you run into a “bad” video, it is only a few seconds long, so you don’t end up getting pissed off that you just spent the last 90 seconds of you life watching some little asshole stumble around his living room making his armpit fart.

This video made me laugh mightily.

 

 

more about “5-Second Films | Don’t Thinko de Mayo“, posted with vodpod

 
I’m not sure why I laughed so much at this, but I think it had something to do with the guy punching himself in the head. That seems to get me every time.


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